I live in southern Ontario, Canada just outside of Niagara Falls. My life has recently been turned upside down by giving birth to my first child, our daughter very prematurely and she did not survive much longer than an hour. She was born April 21/22 and that day will be etched in my heart and brain Read more...

I live in southern Ontario, Canada just outside of Niagara Falls. My life has recently been turned upside down by giving birth to my first child, our daughter very prematurely and she did not survive much longer than an hour. She was born April 21/22 and that day will be etched in my heart and brain forever.

The woman I was pre-loss was fun loving, happy, spirited, full of laughter, and fiercely determined- and I’m trying to work my way back to find her again…though I don’t know if she exists anymore.

I have a wonderful husband that I love to take care of and spoil (and he spoils me equally which I love too) and I’m a doting daughter that enjoy spending oodles of time making memories with my parents. I love animals, and am a proud cat mom of 3 rescues. I’m a registered nurse and provide education, care, and advocacy to all of those I serve daily. I’m passionate when I believe in something, and I love deeply. I am fortunate to have some beautiful, kind souls in my life whom I am grateful to call friends.

I have an abundance good in my life, I acknowledge and appreciate that. I also have a mountain of sadness, loneliness, fear, anxiety, and pain that I’m trying to muddle my way though. For someone who always thought that I could achieve anything, this is certainly testing me. I’m not so convinced that everything happens for a reason, but I do know first handedly that things still happen regardless of the circumstances. It doesn’t matter how hard you worked for something, or how much love and compassion you show, or even how skilled and certain you are, I know now that life can change in the blink of an eye.

My moods are up, down, and all over the place. I’m using forum this as a way to express my creative vision through photos but also document my mood and my headspace in that time and moment.

Follow along if you’d like. I can’t promise all happiness and beauty, but I can promise a real, raw, and soul filled experience.

P.S: rainbows have a special meaning for me. When first I learned I was pregnant with Marion, I saw the biggest brightest rainbow and I felt like it was a sign she was on her way to us. Her nursery was done in a rainbow theme, her blankets and toys had rainbows, even her headstone has a rainbow on it. If you’ve read this far, I’m asking you, please whenever you see a rainbow, stop for a moment and cherish what you have. Tell your kids you love them, hug your sister, call your Mom, say I’m sorry, whatever you need to do; do it for all of us who don’t have that same chance. My daughter Marion was and is loved immensely, and I’d give anything for just a little bit more time with her. I hope you can spend your time with those you love and care for.