Ralph Cooper

By ralphcooper

Things Come in Threes!

Or so they say.

(Except Squid and Octopus it would seem! But more of that later.)

Shout from Therry.

There's no hot water and the radiators are cold!"

Me (Still in bed asleep)
Has the boiler pressure dropped?"


Have you pressed the reset button

I think so


T (With a hint of indignation)
I said I think so!

I stumble out of bed, stub my toe, find my dressing-gown to fend off the chill in the air.

Indeed, the boiler has packed up and no amount of prodding, banging, mild encouragement or, indeed, swearing will coax more than a feeble wheeze from it.

Contact British Gas.

They promise to have that lovely man from the TV advert ( you know, the one that appears to have converted his little van into a space shuttle and doesn't mind working upside down, yes that one) here between 12:00 and 18:00.

So I email work and let them know I'd love to join them today but can't because I stink and want to sit around the cold house all day, twiddling my thumbs.

I sit, stinking & twiddling my thumbs until 15:00 when the guy from the advert's mate turns up.

Aparently the guy from the advert won the toss of a coin and got the lovely lady from the advert and the loser got me!


The fan has packed up, I might be able to get it going.

Report #2
Fan is working heating and hot water on.

Report #3
A pipe has sprung a leak and I've had to drain the system and turn it off again.

I'll have to come back tomorrow and fix it.

T arrives home.


"Yes, then no"

"What do you mean?"

Me - expalains.

attempts to put shopping away.

The next thing I hear would win an Oscar if it had been created by the SFX Sound Engineers at Pixar!

A crashing and banging reminiscent of an articulated lorry full of bone china driving through Pilkington's glass factory at motorway speeds!

The top shelf above the cooker has just deposited its load of pots, pans, vases and other breakables all over the cooker, work surfaces, floor and Therry!

Once the carnage has been cleaned up (I was delegated to entertain the dogs in the lounge while Therry tipped the kitchen into a wheelie-bin) I start to prepare dinner.

A Jamie Oliver recipe.
I've done it before.

It requires 3 large squid.

The fish counter only had 2 small squid so Therry substituted an Octopus into the equation.

Google how to prepare an Octopus.

Result Octopus is OK but the squid was nicer.

Boil pans and kettle to wash up!

At least the water is on.

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