Wrapped in light

I used to have an irrational fear of flying. Upon take-off I would sit balled up, shaking, grasping for breath and in tears; all the way up to 40,000 feet, and then I'd calm down a bit. At the first sign of turbulence I'd be a basket case again. Landing never frightened me as much, oddly enough. I would be very discreet when I was going through this, turning away; always picking a window seat so that I wouldn't be a disturbing sight to the other passengers. Poor Mr. M, he'd try to hold my hand but I would just knock it away because it didn't help me. The only thing that got me through it was to ball up and go through the same routine every time.

The number of conversations I've had through the years with people suggesting ways how to overcome it, is staggering: meditation, a stiff drink (bad advice) self hypnosis, rational thinking about the percentages of crashes vs. safe flights, drugs, medication. It was the little old lady in the airport book shop, that one trip, who started the conversation about the hardships of flying, and uttered the words: "Ball up if you must but just imagine yourself and the plane awash and wrapped in a bright, white light. It works for me."

I couldn't imagine what she meant or how to even achieve it. If it was some form of meditation, I had never had luck with that; my mind is always racing. She wasn't on the same flight as us, I looked when we boarded. When those thundering engines revved up I felt that old panic well up. As I was pressed back hard in my seat, I assumed the position...and then an amazing thing happened. I could not only see the light, I could feel it. I was creating it.

At 40,000 ft I turned to Mr. M who remarked how I seemed a lot less shaken this time. It's the little old lady in the book shop, I said. She had this great suggestion to ima...What little old lady, he said. I watched you in the book shop the whole time and you didn't talk to anyone. Gulp.

Anyway, long story short-ish, I still fear flying but I can get through it with that light imagining technique. Personally and from what I read about overcoming phobias, it's all about distraction and focus on something other than that which frightens you. I wish I could do that with everyone I love; wrap them up in light so nothing can hurt them.

Cheesy, I know.