Sometimes....

"sometimes we let go of the things we think we want in order to find the things that are."

I've watched all the things I've worked for in the last few months crumble beneath my fingers the last two weeks. Once again, once more. It shouldn't come as a suprise, and yet somehow it still stings. It still hurts. Sigh. Its just life, I get that, but it still catches me by suprise and feels like I am being stabbed.

The organization I was applying for to head out on a grand adventure turned me down because of a situation beyond my control. I got off the phone in my office and for a second i was fine, then it hit me like a knife inserting into my chest and I buried my face in my hands and cried. Thank God my office door has a lock on it. I stood up after second realizing where I was and walked around in circles and kept telling myself "come on Adrienne you gotta calm down..." After a few minutes I was able to get myself to calm down, pack up my stuff and head out of my office, only to find that there was a blizzard with giant snow flakes outside. Fun? no? It was cold and i was definably not dressed appropriately. By the time I got to my car, I was soaking wet, it was pretty awesomely cold, nor could I feel my fingers. I drove to the store got stuff to make dinner put a ridiculous amount of money for gas into my car and drove home. I hate crying. I found my heart hurting today, when it rains it pours, I guess. I hate drama. Oh well. Somewhere in all of this God has a plan. It doesn't seem wonderful and grand at the moment, but I know that He is good and i know that He is sovereign.
I'm disappointed and sad about how some things are turning out, but what can you do? I think a bath, a tiny touch of tequila and some candles sounds nice right about now.

So lift your glasses of whatever you're drinking and toast with me this grand thing we call life. The lessons? Well they make us wiser. The pain? it makes us stronger. The lies? We learn the truth at its fullest level. OUr Dreams? they give us hope for tommorow, even when they seem to be as elusive as the wind.

I am the wind, you know from whence i come, and know not where I am going.