She doesn't live here anymore.....

Dear Newcastle University Development and Alumni Relations Office

my name is not, and never has been, Miss Ward....neither am I an alumni of your august institution. Despite returning every letter you have sent to this address for the last 30 years clearly marked 'no longer at this address', and on at least one occasion speaking to one of your representatives on the telephone, you appear to have chosen to ignore that simple fact and continue to waste time and money by including this address in your decidedly dodgy contact database.

Luckily, on this occasion you include a username and password (a word to the wise, you MAY wish to consider a review of your current online security procedures, just a thought, up to you of course...) to allow me to nominate myself, whoever I happen to be, as a member of the Alumni Consultative Group (ACG) who meet with the 'University's senior management to discuss the University's strategies and proposals, offer alumni input and advice, and feedback to the University any matters of interest and concern from the wider body of alumni'.....y'know I might just take you up on that, if nothing else it would be interesting to see how far I got through the selection process........

FOOLS!
.....and it probably just goes to show that there's sometimes nothing worse than an educated one......

She doesn't live here anymore