No Joy in Mudville

The subject rings true.

Throughout the years, I've come to realize who my true friends are and who matters in my life. There were very few people who were completely honest with me and, even if I was an awful friend, stood by me.

I dated a guy for nearly 3 years and after about 7 months, he treated me like shit which, I blame myself for half of it because a relationship goes both ways. Regardless, I should have left long before I did and when we broke up, I wasn't even the one who left. He did due to an awful situation. Throughout the relationship, I blew people off, I stopped talking to friends, I flat out was an awful friend and after we broke up, realized what I'd done. I was forgiven, but I swore I wouldn't be that way again. I had friends who told me throughout the entire relationship that I was being treated like crap and I learned the hard way what is and isn't ok in a relationship.

My next relationship after that ended because he had a temper and was extremely over protective. After a short amount of time, I ended it and it was violent and scary.

My current relationship is the best one I've ever been in. I'm not just saying that because it's newer and fresh but I honestly feel happier than I've ever felt before and everything since the 3 year relationship has honestly changed my views on anything I do now.

Once I got out of my 3 year relationship, I realized so many things about men and relationships. I could probably write a book. I've had so many friends come to me since then and tell me that I'm much happier since then and that I've grown. They've seen a change in me. My entire life turned around after that awful relationship.


I can't stress enough how important it is to remember to respect yourself and always take care of yourself before others and how important it is to stand up for yourself and what you believe to be true.

I also can't stress enough that just because you think you love someone doesn't necessarily mean you do. People change and just because you loved someone in the first portion of your relationship does NOT mean you love them down the road. You are in love with someone who no longer exists and you need to run, fast, in the opposite direction and leave the jerk who you now think you love BEHIND.

I wasted 2 years thinking that I was in love with someone that I was in love with in our first year of the relationship. Once I realized what I was doing, I can't tell you the relief I felt knowing finally that I could move on.

Thats another thing:

Moving on.

Believe it or not, anyone can do it. You can say goodbye. Like I said, you should always care about yourself first. If they're going to pout, whine, cry, or be angry, WHO CARES? Let them be. It's not up to you to make everyone else happy. It's up to you to make yourself happy. ALWAYS.

And if you're the asshole that treats your significant other like shit, you should be absolutely ashamed of yourself. If you don't want anything to do with that person, then turn around and walk away and don't look back. Don't manipulate, don't twist them around your finger, don't pull any bullshit. Just walk away. Nobody wants you around anyway. The least you could do is walk away and give that person a chance to be happy again instead of making their life miserable and letting everyone else around them watch. People don't hate you because of what you've done; it's the fact that you're still doing it.

I want to be the friend now who is there to stand by her friends when they need it most. The friend who will be flat out honest with you and tell you how she feels and at least try to open your eyes. I can't protect you or make you do anything, but I can at least try to help you put the ball in your court and walk away happy.

I just hope I can do that for those who matter most to me.


[apologies for the rant.. today has kind of blown and it's sure to get worse.. i can hear my parents downstairs talking about me and a bad conversation will be coming up very shortly..]


edit

Mom came and told me to read a letter from the car insurance company.. they won't insure me because I got into 2 car accidents last year and therefore won't insure my parents unless they boot me off their plan. My insurance rates anywhere are going to be HUGE because I had ONE bad year of driving. Fuck driving. Fuck insurance. And fuck ASSHOLES.