Dead Cert.

Newcastle Utd are a 150-1 shot for the Premiership title next season. For those of you who don't know about betting, that means if you put £10 on Newcastle to win it, you'll lose £10.

In other news, my hangover and allergy cleared in time for me to heroically captain my side to victory yesterday. There were a few scares along the way due to one of the umpires being approximately 109 years old, blind and deaf. No matter the weather, this umpire will splatter vast quantities of sun cream over his wrinkled features which, coupled with his propensity to supply the world of cricket with the worst LBW decisions ever seen, has arisen to him being nicknamed 'The Angel of Death'. He sent two of our batsmen into eternal damnation before falling asleep and missing everything else that happened during the game. At one point he asked me if Chamberlain had returned from his diplomatic trip to Germany yet..........(I made that bit up).