fingerprints.

My testimony in an email to a friend last night. Reminded again of His grace.
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I wasn't born into a Christian family. I can still remember my visits with my parents to temples and learning how to pray to these blurry images of statues. But one day, my mom came home and told everyone that she became a Christian. Ever since that night, I was taken to churches. My first experience wasn't so great; I remember walking through this red gate, greeted by people and everyone was SO nice it scared me. There was singing and children playing but I guess I was an anti-social child that I was freaked out haha.

Then we moved to America when I was in 2nd grade without my mom since she had to stay behind for her work. Church by then just became a regular thing for me, like it's just something we as a family have to do. I even remember for a few years, I would be willing to go to church because I really liked this boy and just wanted to dress up pretty for him to see. Silly me!

I reached 8th grade and that's when everything changed. My brother found his own church and made me join him, saying I'll actually grow. At that time I didn't even know what that meant but for some reason, I agreed. I joined youth group and went to my first Christian teen conference. I thought it was just going to be fun and a chance to know everyone. But surprise, surprise; that's where I fell in love with God.

The 2nd to last night, a speaker told us to stand up and turn our back towards the stage. I remember him saying something along these lines: "Now I want all of you to talk to God. Tell Him the things you've denied Him of; the times when you rejected him; the times when you didn't love him, speak of him in front of others. Then when you hear the rooster crow the third time, turn around."

Rooster crowed the first time. I started having mixed feelings and felt weird. Rooster crowed second time. I started praying sincerely as I did start thinking of my past years and started questioning what does it mean to actually love Him?

Third time. We all turned around and my heart felt heavy.

That night, when we as a youth group prayed in a circle, I wanted to cry so bad. I remember to clearly. We were all holding hands and you're suppose to pray out loud when it's your turn but if you want to, squeeze the person's hand next to you to skip you. I was the only one who skipped because I knew the moment I open my mouth, I would bawl like a baby. But I didn't know why; I just wanted to cry.

We walked back to our dorms and for some reason, I was alone in my room. I didn't care nor did I notice; I just started crying and praying. Looking back, I'm still surprise how much God can break an 8th grader's heart.

My friend, who's like my older sister now, came into the room and held me and prayed with me. I accepted that Christ that night and that's how my new life began.


God definitely left many of his fingerprints in my life whenever I look back or read my journals, but to be honest, this past school year was probably my toughest. I had to learn so much at once that I felt like God was breaking me hard, probably almost to my limit. I had to learn how to forgive, what is forgiveness; how my precious my heart was and how precious I am; what my identity is and what community really means; what it means to be free in Him and what it means to surrender. One experience and lesson after another; I've probably never cried this much in one year until this year haha.

But I was reminded so many times that he doesn't go past your limit. He doesn't punish, nor does he forget you.

And I always praise God for Grace and Sarah. They were always there at my most tough times. Probably the only two girls I've ever learned to trust and to truly peel away my "fig leaves" in front of.

As for the unfinished chapter of my life, it started this year and it has not come to a close. But God is faithful and I know He has everything in His hands.
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