Scene of the Er Crime: Country Matters Pt 1

Crime Scene by YoungPoet

Er ello, ello, ello.
Wot's goin' on here then?

Has someone bin fornicatin' on this bench?
The Squire and a wench probably.

Think they can get away with anythin',
these Landed Gentry.

S'pect he thought he could have his wicked way
with her and she'd say nothin'.

Well times have changed, squire.
We'll have that toffee-nosed red-faced git
up before his brother-in-law, The Judge,
before he knows it.

I reckon he'll get a good tellin' off.
And be told not to do it again.

Desecratin' public property. Disgustin'.

No one sit on it. The...er...bench.
It's evidence.


Country Matters by W. Shakespeare

HAMLET
Lady, shall I lie in your lap?
OPHELIA
No, my lord.
HAMLET
I mean, my head upon your lap?
OPHELIA
Ay, my lord.
HAMLET
Do you think I meant country matters?
OPHELIA
I think nothing, my lord.
HAMLET
That's a fair thought to lie between maids' legs.
OPHELIA
What is, my lord?
HAMLET
Nothing.

Country Darkness by Elvis Costello