It's Account f***g Payable, you tw@t!

Dún Laoghaire County Council, proud user of the Agresso database since 2007.

Exclusively for Blipfoto, Raheny_eye has managed to procure* a few of these Agresso notes.


Social Housing

Dear Applicant,

F**** OFF!

Yours sincerely,

Barry Coyle

PS: I mean it, F***** OFF!



Accounts Payable:

Your reference: 234/56/insi/765/gni/434/ficant
Our reference: DLRCOCO/34/Chanel/no. 5

Dear Mr Ryan,

We trust that our bin collection service is to your satisfaction.
Well, then why the f*** are you 4 months in arrears, you stupid old fart.
You've got three days to come up with the cash. Three shaggin' days. Got that? Don't come crying to us, we don't give a sh*t. We want the money. If you haven't made the payment by Friday EOB, we'll send Seamie round to your gaff. You know Seamie, don't you? No messing with him. He'll kick the sh*t out of you if you don't pay up. He'll snap your little finger like a Twix before dipping it in his tea. His Twix. Not your finger. We are not cannibals.

Yours sincerely,

Andrew Fitzpatrick

PS: we accept wire transfers, cash, cheques, giros. Oh, and Paypal, pal.



Library services

Book reference: 345/738
Title: Kittens and rainbows photography made simple
Author: G. Smith

Dear Mrs Dolan,

You remember that book you borrowed from us. FOR FREE! It's not a shaggin gift. We expect it back. Not next month, not next week. We want it now. We know where you live so don't mess with us, you silly old bat.

Yours sincerely,

Diarmuid Ó Súilleabháin

PS: NOW!!!! Or else...




Cultural Services

Dear Ms. Lynam,

When you received your grant from the DLRCOCO, did you really think that it was to doss all day in your poxy little studio and get pissed on cheap cider? Are you for f**** real? We expect some art in return for our investment, you lazy tw*t. So get your finger out and start painting for f*** sake.
You have 2 weeks to produced a 70'x45' painting of a kitten under a rainbow for the Board Room. Or else we'll send Seamie round to you. You know Seamie, right?

Yours sincerely,

Rosie O'Connell

PS: We know where you live!
PPS: Of course we do, you are our Artist in Residence for 2011, silly me





* a cunning blend of bribery, grovelling and threats did the trick