21 today

My eldest daughter turned 21 today, its makes me feel particular proud but at the same time it also makes me feel particularly old. I have therefore decided to step up my bucket list antics. Dont worry, Im not going through a midlife crisis yet and i have already decided that will consist of a two seats kit car with no practical roof covering.

She is quite an individual 21 year old, perhaps best described as cookie, retro, non conformist, ditsy and she has decided that she wants a tea party followed by drinks for her friends and family.

So we have the garden set up with a couple of gazebos, with lots of cake stands with home baking, bone china that doesnt match very well and sandwiches with the crusts cut off. Real tea leaves, tea pots, strainers and sugar cubes are the order of the day. We also have enough beer that to float an armada.

Theres a lot of eclectic people here and I have tried to capture just a little cross section of the madness.

Paul and Justine come over with the worlds largest body building baby.

Jamie and Finlay come over, I have always had a little soft spot for Jamie and I am vexed as to how thin he has become, perhaps tripping the light fandago a little too often.

Colin turns up, with a bottle of buckfast and he isnt even glasweigan, I mean who in their right mind turns up to a tea party with a bottle of fortified wine.

Craig comes late with a hat nine sizes too small for him. Tasha hasnt changed since the last time I seen her, lovely girl but the hamsters dead but the wheels still going round.

Laurens stalker Ishy turns up with a disguise of sunglasses and a hat despite it being dark and I am wondering whether he was actually invited or not.

Maria lets me draw glasses and a beard on her face with eye liner considering she smashed the only glass of the day.

Uncle Alan dons a bright green tea cosy for a hat, with his ears sticking out the spout and handle holes and he looks like benny from crossroads except with torrets syndrome

Grandad Phil (82) tells his lady friend that he has met that he doesnt go in for romantic or mushy pish but that he likes her. She tells him that he isnt having any more drink.

The mother in law has lost the plot and is talking about her imaginary pet dragon BabaBoy most of the night and tells everyone except the children that she needs to go home to feed it.

Connie has attracted Colin in a sort of Mrs Robinson sort of way, perhaps the buckie.

Auntie Carly shouts like fred elliot when she talks, I say I say. Her boys try to fix the missing plank in the fence with a street sign I have laying around while actually standing on the missing fence plank.

Auntie Carol crushes my left leg when we end up falling head long onto the floor while we have a cuddle snog wrestle and Im still limping.

I think that I need a bigger glass recylcing box and I have solved the great east lothian glass shortage crisis single handedly.

Davey and Ev come in after returning from their holiday to egypt and Davey splits his head open on the car door while pouring in the worlds drunkest woman Irene, weebles wobble but they dont fall down. He then thinks he is the unknown stuntman and attempts to exit a moving ford focus before it comes to a confirmed halt.

The puppy doesnt bite Ev this time which is a bonus.

Ruby looses her Bunny, fate worse than death and it eventually turns up in the washing basket well after midnight after we have every single house guest look for it.

The young team sport eye liner dubious tashes before hitting the pub.

I tell Abbies boyfriend dean to man up after discovering that he is allergic to nuts, eggs, is scared of spiders, wasps, creepy crawlies, likes fake tan and is drinking blue wicked.

Connie sleeps in the bairns bed after abandoning the party without saying goodnight to our remaining guests.

I buy Lauren an early copy of Alice in Wonderland for her birthday and she tells me before she gets too drunk that I am the worlds greatest father, I tell her to belt up before I have a bubble.

Heres looking at you kid (and my new hall table)