Darkening

The sun is setting earlier and earlier now. I know it's not true, but the shift seems to accelerate around this time of year.

It's like the slippery downward slope towards death that gets steeper after middle age. The one we all hope to slide down gracefully.

Spent part of the day with Grandma today. She is so angry with me for insisting that we plan the next step for her. Her memory issues are a serious concern, but she wants everyone to ignore it. I have told her a dozen times that if we don't plan now, she won't be able to move to a continuing care community that allows dogs. She has two, and they are her "children." The only assisted living place around here that accepts pets has a long waiting list, but she only retains this fact for about thirty seconds before she starts ranting again about how it's too soon to even discuss the matter. She thinks if we talk about it, it will happen sooner, which is partly true because when the time comes things will be much smoother if we already have a plan in place.

I said, wouldn't it feel better to know where you'll be going and know that it is nice place, not to be feared? She said, no, I'd rather not know and just live in the present moment. I said, should I just go and look at it by myself then, and put you on the waiting list? She wouldn't answer and immediately started saying negative things to me about my new book. My head nearly exploded. It was a pretty crazy moment!

It's almost funny sometimes. She says all the time she never wants to be a grouchy, uncooperative old lady like the ones she used to do counseling for, and yet, that is exactly what she has become.