love is a debt

One of these days, Lizzie, someone will catch your eye and then you'll have to watch your tongue..

- [Pride & Prejudice]

As I was rummaging around in my closet, I found this. It's the second journal I ever filled page-to-page. (Turns out it was also the last journal I ever finished.) This one is also my favorite, but you can't see it, feel it, and hold it like I can.
It ended on a beautiful note. 5 years ago this month, in fact.

Thumbing through the pages, I found the day in March when I was sitting outside of a coffee shop (common theme, it turns out) enjoying the uncommonly wonderful day in Houston on a break from working at Anthropologie across the street. That afternoon I remember taking a photo (I still have the image somewhere) and reminding myself to print it out and paste it in my journal. I wanted to do that every day - a photo a day with words. Brilliant idea. (Obvi.)

I found the day in June when I was sitting .... outside of a coffee shop in Portland (the Pearl) after having just interviewed with Melissa for my job with Alcon. I was praying about whether it was the right decision to move so far away from my family and friends and .. everyone I knew. (It was.)

I found the day in November when one of my best friends told me he had been in love with me and repeatedly said he wouldn't take no for an answer. I was feverishly writing down prayers and wondering what to do and what questions to ask myself and was he the one for me? (He wasn't.)

I found lyrics and "insert photo here" reminders and prayers and Bible verses and hopeful reminders. I found the same prayers that I'm still praying today. The same struggles. The same stumbling blocks. It's time to move forward from that girl. She'll always be a part of me, for sure. But I don't want to be weighed down anymore with what she's so upset about at times. (I am.)

"But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently."
[Romans 8.25]

love outside yourself.

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