Memories of Dad

...and Mom too.

Some of you know that I lost my dad a little over a month ago. He left this world on October 30th. We had his memorial service a month later, last Saturday in California. It seems now that that is behind me I can begin to heal and move on. Having him here and acting as full time caregiver to him - especially as he became weaker and needed more help - was almost more than I could bear. I said almost. Because obviously I did bear it.

Things became more and more difficult. And then more difficult still. I had come to the point where I couldn't do it alone any longer, but by the time I made the call for outside help it was too late. There were many many blessings in the way it all happened. He did not have to live in a nursing home even for one day. He did not have to resort to using a walker, although if he had, it would have made my life a bit less worrisome. What do I feel?

Relief, yes
Sadness
Lost
A bit empty
Content to a degree
Satisfied that I did what I did
Guilty that I did not do more
Frustrated with all the aftermath details
Glad
Motivated
Confused
Loved
Blessed

This is a 1998 picture of Mom & Dad and their first three great-grandchildren (my sister's). My mom died two months later. Interestingly, my dad died after getting to know my first three grandchildren. And for that I am GRATEFUL.