Eaglesham Moor at sunset.....

A quick blip tonight....to check in and assure folk I'm still around!! :-)

I am hoping to blip again tomorrow, but at present my life has become a bit exhausting and intense. I just seem to have no time to blip....yet am missing it like blazes!! Driving around, I'm seeing potential blips...but it's en route to 'somewhere'!! No time to stop.

It's probably easier to be honest, albeit depressing....

Work since the start of December has been almost overwhelmimgly intense. Not just the work side, but sadly the level of bereavement for colleagues over the supposed 'Festive' period. 7 colleagues lost close relatives...husbands, fathers. It has taken it's toll really....impossible not to be a sad place just now. This pattern of intensity, and grief has been matched on the ward too. I think we all just feel terribly sad at present.

Then my mum really is not improving. Pain management is proving very difficult and she is in a lot of pain for lengthy periods. Other smaller issues have and continue to crop up, compounding it all. Today my dad told me, she refused to dress, and ate hardly anything. Her mood has plummetted, and I just don't know what else to do. I'm not too good at powerlessness....but it's what I'm beginning to feel. I know the staff are doing all they can...but it's not really helping. Now mum seems to becoming, at times, muddled, and forgetful...and I'm not sure if it's just her meds, or what!! It's horrible to watch. As a nurse, I'm trying to stay positive and objective....but each day seems to bring some new small little deterioration.

Anyway...I'll try and keep blipping...but sometimes I'm just too tired, or busy, or indeed...upset. How foolish we are to think that this only happens to OTHER people's parents!! Part of me is angry, cause I think...it's only a bloody fracture...how can it be going this way??!! But it's all the other little things that chip away at elderly people. Suddenly my parents just seem to be OLD....not independant, elderly people!! Vulnerable and frail. DAMN!!!

Anyaway....
better go...
have a phone call to make to find out what the 'not eating' is about!!! Before I head to work!! For all who have travelled this road before me....I take my hat off to you...it's not a nice one...


xx