Curtains and Curses

This evening I decided that I was going to do some "nice things". What I had in mind was a relaxing bubble bath then watching a film all cosy in bed with Danté beside me. The best laid plans are destined to fail and fail my plans have.

I got it into my head earlier to take down the livingroom curtains and swap them with others that are here so that the original ones could be washed then put back up. This would have been a fine idea if I had factored in how high up the curtains sit. The bookcase on the right of the picture is 6' high, the box on top of it is 18" high so you can get a sense of the height the curtain pole is sitting at...I'm not even 5' tall...


Picture the scene; I'm standing on the dining table having dislodged one end of the curtain pole, I've figured out that only one side is not screwed to the ceiling and that I'll have to pull the pole while supporting the weight of the curtains. Simples, yes? Nothing in my life is ever 'simples'. As I was standing there at my full stretch my phone rang. Isn't that typical? There are three people I will always answer my phone to and one of them was on the line. So, phone in one hand and curtain pole in the other I was precariously balanced atop the dining table trying to sound as if nothing was occurring and that I was my usual nonchalant self. Which also failed.

After the phone call someone came to the door and I just knew it was my take-away arriving. So I abandoned my perch and went to answer, except there was no-one there. Weird. I was just about to close the door when the take-away delivery person stuck his hand out with a bag containing my order in it. Turns out he's terrified of dogs and with Danté having barked when he knocked and the dog who lives opposite having barked when Danté barked the poor man had dogs in full surround sound.

I had my dinner. Danté had my dinner. I got back on the dining table. Danté went through to my bed in disgust. Then I pulled the curtains down. I'd love to say that this was the point where things began to go right and I got the substitute ones up with no trouble at all. But I'd be lying.

Everything was going pretty ok. The hoops to hang the curtains on the pole were attached to the curtains. The hoops were then strung back on the pole. I put one end of the pole through the hoop that was, mercifully, screwed to the ceiling. I put the other end through the detachable hoop and I thought that was the job done.

When I got down and pulled the curtains across the window I discovered that somehow, I know not how, I had put the curtains on with one facing in and one facing out. I nearly cried but instead of crying I swore, very very loudly. Danté came through to see what all the fuss was about, saw I was up on the table and turned his back on me to go back through to my bed.

While I took the curtains down again, turned one round, put the pole through the hoops, then attached it to the ceiling....

I got down off the dining table, closed the curtains and took one photograph. If I hadn't just finished a course of antibiotics I'd be drinking vodka with my fizzy vimto.