The Diet of Worms

No, not the assembly where Martin Luther was asked to explain himself, but a far more prosaic offering.

Our friends David and Rosie are moving back from Banyoles to Edinburgh, and have very kindly bequeathed us what is sure to become my favourite toy. It is called whimsically " the Can o worms" and is essentially a worm farm, which converts food waste into what is described as nutrient rich, 100% organic fertiliser, or to you and I, worm poo.

The idea is that you put specially purchased worms in the bottom tray and they munch their way upwards until the trays are full of the afore mentioned "nr100%of" or poo, at which point you use the rich goodness to display exceptional results in the colour quality and quantity of fruit, vegetables and plants.

It appears that given a couple off eggshells and the content of a hoover bag the little buggers will multiply rapidly and soon my initial stock of 1000 worms will multiply to 15000 or 20000 in a few years (by which time I shall have to employ a worm herd to count them).

If the process works as outlined there will be a veritable of mountain of worm poo at my disposal. I will calculate exactly how much and share it with you anon. I may even sell bags of it on e-bay or if the scheme explodes exponentially ship container loads to my less advantaged friends in Scotland.

I also expect to have to take up fishing to use my culled specimens, those miserable failures of the worm world that fail to display their natural lustiness and let down the colony by failing to produce sufficient progeny.

The helpful instructions also include a tasty recipe for Worm Fattener involving chicken pellets, corn flour, skimmed powdered milk, wheat bran, and dolomite. As they advise after several months of feeding, you will have fat tough worms in ready supply.

I am already imagining several fringe benefits to my new hobby, surely the senoritas from miles around will respond to the invitation to come up and visit my farm sometime and who can resist the lure of freshly harvested worm poo.

Be still my beating heart, the anticipation is too much. I'll keep you posted but maybe, just maybe this is the hobby I have been searching for all my life.