The Alter Ego #4: I and I

Mos Def & Massive Attack - I Against I

Just another day; older but none the wiser. With some ages you expect a change to wash over you like a sudden burst of clarity but it's as if you're still an infant. Stagnant.

Meeting people of an older age, their visage seems so remote from your own; a rank pertained that is seemingly earned. Somehow "adulthood" hasn't made a dent in my mental state, for some reason it appears to be out of reach. I always thought it deserved respect... but on the way there I see that it isn't simply given for free.

Like any kid growing up I was told to respect my elders. Such ranks automatically do and I followed their wills with such a blind whim only to learn later the pitfalls and evils of the natural human condition. The adults I respected were littered with shortcomings and disappointments. Things that I so readily befit myself falling into everyday.

The people you look up to fall by the wayside like bottles being shot off a rickety fence. It's hard to regain the trust an ideal or an image promises you. Perfection is an ugly lie, a demon if you will, garnered by the ever shifting constraints of contemporary social rules. You wonder why you ignorantly respected your "teachers". How does one continue on with life when there really isn't anything at all to head towards?

As I fall further and further down, I know I will see something new before I crash. The "teachers" become your teachers, because they're exactly the same as you, beautiful faults and all, teaching you how to soldier on. Their lives littered with bridges of lessons learnt from pitfalls fallen, which are probably the same ones you've been through. Kaizen / Continuous learning at every stage in whatever path you're walking. The eternal battle of truth and lie, I against I.

Today is also my birthday. Pardon my insecurity, but I have lost my 20s. :P