What smells like manure and sounds like a bell?

DUNGggggggg!!!

Confined to barracks all day. I keep saying I can find an up-side and a down-side to practically anything.
The UP side of retirement ... It doesn't matter when the good weather is, you can use it.
The DOWN side ... You don't get any bank holidays.
On which topic we have the reason for staying at home, anywhere open today, and heaving with Mr & Mrs Public will still be open in mid-week when they're at work.

You see before you a Personal world first. NEVER evereverever before have I bought manure in this form. And probably never will again, but legend has it that, in spite of the fact that it is an exceptionally movable feast, one plants ones taties on Good Friday. I don't know why folk bother about frost, the ones you missed last year won't show face until its safe to do so.

I recalled a memorable occasion many moons ago when I answered the 'phone ... ''Aye. Jock McSpreader, huntin', shootin and haggis bashin.'' How did I know it was safe to do so? Must be telepathy, as I recall 'twas the hirsute sibling.