The best conversation I had today.

It was another long, dull day at the cafe.
The mid afternoon rush was in full swing with upwards of FOUR customers taking up all of my attention.
It was then that she came, the chavvy woman with the fat kid. She comes into the cafe almost every day. Today she was trying something radically different for what was clearly her second lunch of the day, she was having cheese AND gravy on her chips. She also had a bottle of pepsi and a carrot cake.

She sat at her table with her fat kid, and her fat husband, and practically inhaled her chips. She then went to work on the carrot cake.

It was then a look of confusion washed over this womans face. Clearly she was annoyed, she approached the till and this was our conversation.

When imagining this womans voice, please try and imagine the most chav like woman in existence.

CHAV WOMAN: I'm nae happy.

ME: Oh, that's a shame.

CHAV WOMAN: Fit?

ME: How can I help you?

CHAV WOMAN: This cake is nae very orangey.

ME: Why would it be?

CHAV WOMAN: Are you in charge here?

ME: Yes

CHAV WOMAN: Well ye'd think ye'd know fit's in yer cakes eh?

ME: I do.

CHAV WOMAN: Well fit's wrong wi ma cake?

ME: Nothing, it's not an orange cake, it's a carrot cake.

CHAV WOMAN: I ken it's a carrot cake, I can read!

ME: Well why would it be orangey?

CHAV WOMAN: Cos it's got bits of orange in it, LOOK!

She then pointed to various orange coloured pieces in the cake.

ME: That's not orange.

CHAV WOMAN: FIT? Then fit is it?

ME: It's a carrot cake, the name kinda gives it away.


CHAV WOMAN: FIT? CARROTS!? In a cake?

ME: Yes, it's CARROT cake.

CHAV WOMAN: Real Carrots?

ME: Well I didn't make it personally, but I would assume so.

CHAV WOMAN: Gads!

She then returned to her table and let her fat kid and fat husband devour what was left of the not orangey cake. I then heard her say in a rather stubborn voice to her fat husband.

"Well I'm not having any f**kin veg wi ma dinner cos I ate half that f**ckin cake."

This wasn't a teenager, this was a grown up. Who didn't know that carrots were in carrot cake. The really worrying thing is, that people like this are actually allowed to reproduce!