The difference between solitude, isolation, loneliness, aloneness, etc. can be subtle at times. I have had a lovely day. Mostly alone. Sometimes I've felt lonely. I've rarely been solitary though as there has always been people around. Yet, when I was in this isolated location, I felt the most connected. The least "lonely".
For a while I was in busy city traffic and activity, shops and on the streets. Here I was very lonely. For a while I was on the roof of my condo with a G&T and a crossword and all alone. Yet here, I was very comfortable and content (and it was not the alcohol that was responsible, though it helped ;). For a while I was out here in the countryside. Completely alone. But here, I knew I was not alone. Not at all.
Now, I am sitting at my dinning table eating my dinner. A lovely salmon fillet, potatoes, green beans, an indescribably delicious Chianti. I am listening to one of my favourite choral works (Haydn's, The Creation - I was singing this in Portugal & Spain when I met "her" for the first time). Here I am aware of my loneliness, but am not overly saddened by it. I am wishing I could be sharing this lovely meal with her, of course. That we could be talking about each of our days. That we could be talking about up coming events. But especially to be talking about our hopes and our dreams.
Sadly, of late, we have not been able to talk about our hopes and dreams nearly as much as I'd like to. We have been able to spend more time together than I had expected or dared hope. But, still it's never enough, is it?
It's a Saturday night. It's almost 9pm as I type this. I am thinking to go to a movie (Vicky, Christina, Barcelona). But by myself? How sad is that? Of course, in this town I am almost certain to run into people I know there. So I fully expect to head out for drinks after the movie to talk about it and a million other things. I wonder who it will be? :)