Saudade

The weather eased a bit today and the sun did come out for a short while, but that was while I was in the office. The cycle in and back was very grey and dank, catching the odd bit of drizzle. Once again, not the best kind of weather for my kind of photography. Cycling up the hill into Menston this morning I spotted this tree on the horizon and I must admit that it had never really made its presence felt to me before. It's not exactly a prepossessing or a pretty tree in any way, but it certainly has a defiant spirit, as well as exhibiting a kind of yearning. I think that's what drew my attention to it.

Reminiscing about my computer games days, and then struggling today with something which is really orders of magnitude less complex than the stuff I did back then, has really made me acutely aware of how my abilities have fallen away, especially this last couple of years. What I've really loved about blipping (among so many things) is finding in photography something new and challenging, something where I can aim to improve my skills and develop further the bit of talent that I seem to have. With the software development, as with my running, I'm on a downward slope where I can only continue to get slower. It's simply further impetus, as I've mentioned in my journal a number of times, to adapt to the change of flow in my life. I think it's going to be forced on me more quickly than I had anticipated. Which can be no bad thing.

I have been pervaded today by a feeling which is somewhere between melancholy and nostalgia, a yearning perhaps for the power of analytical mind and fleet of foot that I once enjoyed, but which I know can never be recaptured. By a very strange quirk of fate, I've realised just now that this feeling is surely the same one which is described by the Portuguese word suadade, as so beautifully evoked in this blip yesterday from FriedaQuilter. She makes reference to this wikipedia entry. The links are worth following. I can clearly recognise this feeling but it's very elusive to description. I think the English language needs this word. I call on everyone to start using it where they can and perhaps in time it will gradually be adopted into wider use. Who knows? New words have to start somewhere.

Thanks again for lots of lovely comments. I've not had much chance to respond and I'm feeling a bit jaded by saudade right now. I need a bit of downtime from the computer tonight. The forecast is grim for Sunday so I hope to have a good catch up then. Enjoy the weekend, wherever in the world you are.