My dream

All I have ever wanted to do is write.

When they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I could never quite figure it out. I never thought to say I’d be a writer. I didn't even think of it as a viable choice – that was something I liked, enjoyed, that was fun – it wasn’t something to base my educational and working careers on. I don’t know why I thought that.

I’ve always loved language. I always will love language. But I articulate myself so much better through writing than I ever will in speech. Bad writing, bad grammar and abbreviated text speak horrifies me. There are so many beautiful, expressive and nuanced words out there to be used.

I also love to read, naturally. I love that books contain whole worlds to explore, whole fascinating and interesting worlds. I once saw one of my favourite authors at a book festival. He only started writing fiction in his 40s, once he’d accumulated enough life experience. That stayed with me. I thought it sounded right, so I didn’t worry, I had plenty of time.

I have been writing for years though. I write for work, I write my blips everyday and I’ve been reviewing this year. I have three incomplete novels swimming in the ether of my laptop. At the end of 2014 I came to a decision. If I want to achieve my dreams, I have to start somewhere. That doesn’t have to be in my 40s, I’m going to start now.

Everything is suddenly very clear. I have an idea. I know what I want to say, I know how I’m going to say it and, most importantly, I know what it’s going to mean.

I also know I need help. I don’t usually acknowledge this, but I don’t know it all. All I know is how I think and the literature that has been teaching me throughout my life. It's a lot, but it's not quite enough. Dialogue is my downfall – my nemesis – that simply refuses to translate from my head to the page.

So, my wonderful parents bought me creative writing classes at Edinburgh University for Christmas. I’m going to learn about characterisation, plot development and the ever elusive art of dialogue. So here I am, with my Marvel notebook (another Christmas gift), standing outside my first class on day one. Wish me luck.f