Being holy for beginners

How not to behave during my godbrother's holy communion service by Kylan aged 7:

1. Refuse to eat anything during the journey to the church and then claim to be starving during the service. Make lots of noise crumpling wrappers when mum tells you to eat as secretly as possible.

2. Ask if it's nearly finished at 20 minute intervals.

3. Act as bored as possible. Take fidgeting to a whole other level. Whenever mum looks at you, make the most tormented face ever and sigh.

4. Change track when you realise the other kids are getting some holy bread and you're not. Turn on mum. Accuse her of NEVER letting you go to the church.

5. Keep on and on about the holy bread just because you've finished all your snacks and you're hungry.

6. Ask relevant questions throughout the service, loud enough for people in the row behind to hear, such as: "So do Jesus and Jesus Christ know each other?" Don't believe mum when she tells you they are the same person.

7. Do silent farts so that mum gets really embarassed and paranoid that everyone might think it's her.