Happy Anniversary?

I've had autism for a year today*.
For forty-four years I didn't*.

Today marks a whole year since my Asperger's assessment. It's been with me all day that it's been a year, and I wanted to think about it and write about it but I've been really busy. 
I've not had time to indulge in/enjoy any photography either. 

I wanted to write about how it's been quite a difficult year, how I've had to rearrange my thinking and how there's been A LOT of thinking and a lot of emotions. I wanted to take a poignant photo and write some poignant words but the truth is if you are a very high functioning autistic or Aspie and you've been dealing with it (however ignorantly) for many years, then it doesn't rule everything, life does get in the way. 
 
Just now I went to find last year's daily planner because I know I wrote a lot in it at the time. I had obviously been buzzing, stressed and incredibly anxious. The week before my assessment I'd written in my to-do list: "Create and maintain chaos and a high state of anxiety". Clearly I knew that was all I was guaranteed to achieve. I'd been trying to distract myself and keep myself busy with manic gardening plans and lists too. 

The week following my assessment there wasn't much written in my weekly plan other than "stop drinking so much wine" 

A year on, I can see how it's been more stressful and tumultuous than I realised and my feelings about it are so mangled and mixed I can't lay them out here. 

I often don't know how I feel about something until I hear myself say it or see myself write it. Recently I saw myself write that I'd like to see a future where high-functioning autism is so well understood and accepted (especially in schools) that diagnosis is not needed. 

Thank you to everyone who has carried on taking the piss out of me, being sarcastic and mucking about with me, and knowing that stereotypes about autism are stereotypes about autism and are not facts. 

Thank you to Richard for taking this bumpy ride with me and making it a bit less lonely 


*that I knew of. 

In other news: I hate HMRC, banks and losing 5 hours being stuck at a computer when I needed to be sniffing mud.