Overwhelming

Today was really overwhelming. It kind of felt like a mixture of sadness & anger together, I don't know towards what. Then when night came I suddenly decided that I needed to get out of my room, I couldn't stand anything in my sight. So I got out of the house and took a walk around the apartments, looking for a perfect spot with a bench.

I was generally thinking of the night sky, the stars. How just gazing at them made me feel so small and how insignificant we all are in this large vast entire universe. We don't matter. I found a bench not perfect but good enough. I sat down and started playing "The Sea, The Night, The Stars, The Light" by The Best Pessimist which was always the song I'd listen to whenever I was isolated with the sky. The song always synced with the environment in nights like this, I don't know why.

A lot of thoughts ran through my head, most of them were about a friend & the holidays I had in Singapore. One particular memory I love when I was in Singapore was the night sky I remember looking at as I was on the roof of a building. It was so wide and so large, so endless and the adrenaline rush was overwhelming over the fact that there was no security when I was up on that roof.

I like quiet moments like these, where I realise once again that the entire universe is much more bigger than our existence. Another moment I like is the complete opposite of this, where my thoughts are to myself and I am surrounded by people who are bustling about, getting on with their own lives and that is where I realise that there are so many people in this world who at this moment are going to work, seeing a loved one, getting the week's groceries or whatever. How they've also loved another person before, how they've loved & lost as well, felt pain and guilt and happiness beyond description. Moments lile those also make me realise that my life is not the only life in this world (if that makes sense) but yeah.