Train Etiquette...anyone?

This afternoon I've had a fascinating insight into the lives of perfect strangers onboard the 17:23 Tunbridge Wells train out of London Charing Cross.

I discovered the slightly dishevelled man in a crumpled pinstriped suit sat behind me liked to snack on Monster Munch with his mouth wide open. The grotesque noise of his munching was bad enough to force me to move carriages.

A younger man in an equally crumpled suit boarded the train at Waterloo East and sat opposite me eating a Burger King hamburger. The smell was so rank I moved carriages - again.

After walking almost the entire length of the train I eventually found a spare seat next to a woman in her 20s reading the newspaper. She looked normal and no sign of snacking could be seen so I risked it and took a seat.

Within 30 seconds or so a woman across the aisle answered her mobile phone and preceded to talk very loudly for the remainder of my 45 minute journey.

I heard how August was a 'pretty rubbish month', how little Tommy was 'at that really active demanding age' and how 'surprised but thrilled' she was that her friend had landed that dream job. Apparently Friday night's celebration party was pretty boozy by all accounts.

As riveting as I am sure the whole carriage found the passenger's 'private' phone conversation, I couldn't help but feel like we were intruding on her privacy or was that her intruding on ours by interrupting the blissful joy of ignoring all passengers?

What does Debrett's say about mobile phone use on public transport I wonder as I plug in my headphones to zone out to the beautiful Der Rosenkavlier opera by Strauss. Of course if one owns a copy of Debrett's one simply doesn't mix with the great unwashed in Economy Class!

I know I sound like a complete snob - and most likely I am - but I firmly believe certain rules of etiquette should be applied to public transport in this modern age of mobile technology and people snacking on junk food constantly.

Perhaps I was just born in the wrong era? I'd be quite well suited to a butler service on a steam train and a telegram service. On that note, I cannot wait for Downton Abbey to start in two weeks' time.

If only I could afford to fly myself everywhere instead...now that would be a solution.