What are you drinking?

This is little Dai Si or Dizzy, she's a wonderful little friend that brought a huge smile to my face today. I came into my favorite coffee shop for some time with a good book, a good cup of coffee and rest.

A friend of mine gave me an incredibly personal gift today. ONe that I find myself enjoying so deeply, but one that is hitting entirely to close to home. It has left me wondering, wondering where my heart lies. Sitting in a coffee shop around the world, some would say I've achieved so much, people are often surprised by the person I am. Deeply complex and yet pretty simple to, fun and playful, and yet at the same time as dark as the darkest night. I am a person of parallels, and today I four myself hidden among the pain of my own heart. I looked into the mirror today and a miriade of questions came to the surface.

I am a stone's throw away from everything I've ever wanted, and yet today I took a long look in the mirror and laughed at myself. I laughed because apart of me says Happily ever doesn't exist, love that deep and true cannot last, not for someone like me. I've been told a lot recently that I am one of those people that fights so hard for others and yet at the end of the day easily overlooks my own needs.

What they don't get is, it just doesn't matter, for a myriad of reasons I am who I am. I will stop my self pitied rant, but today I read words far to close to home, so personal, so amazing and yet far to close to home.

I was grateful for little Dizzy today, I picked her up and she immediately started purring, reminding me that I am not alone in this world, that I am loved (Yes ,my dog reminds me a lot) but today little Dizzy just seemed to sense that I needed a reminder. I needed a reminder that I am not a monster.