Good Grief 101

Thank you to everyone for the stars and hearts and follows. It came as a bit of a surprise. I apologise to anyone who has suffered the tedium of previous blips. The journey goes on and feels enduring. I think I said at the beginning of this journal that it was just intended to be a journal of my experience, something to help me try to make sense of it all. It feels like a very private activity (even though it is on here) and so I have left 'comments off'. Maybe this will change one day but I am so in the throes of it that I need the space to just roam free. I am very sorry if this bothers anyone. I know that it is a very important part of this community to comment and build connections and relationships. I genuinely understand that and value it enormously. I don't want to hide my journal because I see myself as a part of  the community and have a great respect for all those who participate on here with such enthusiasm, creativity, generosity, thoughtfulness ... the list goes on. I am in awe of the daily life that unfolds here and there is a great joy in watching the community rise, live, rest and retire every day. Just for now I am part of a 'silent order' that needs this space to aid reflection and to live out a process. I am well aware that others can contribute to this process. For me, for now, this goes on elsewhere in my life.

Today's blip is of the morning light catching an otherwise dull chimney stack. I can't say I ever notice it normally. Today I did. The light briefly shone and helped persuade me not to pursue the plan I had intended for the day but, instead, to get outside for a walk. A 'good plan'. I have said before, it can all be a bit '1066 and All That'. Bad Plan ditched, Good Plan adopted I had a smashing walk. Walking is, without a doubt, my key survival strategy. There is something about it that enables things to be processed a little and I really did need that today.

I realised that for the first time since my husband died, well over 3 years ago now .... for the first time really, I felt able to shut the door and switch off my phone. Metaphorically speaking really ... but the problems that have gone on with parents that pre-date my husband's death have completely consumed this period and even though there has been a lot of 'space' and time alone - almost all of it in fact - it has been psychologically, practically, logistically and emotionally absorbed. Although there remains much to be done it has moved on.
Strangely this is beginning to feel a bit like flooding. I am not sure yet what it will entail.

In the meantime, I haven't bled since October. I know this is too much information BUT it is relevant ... instead of investing in Proctor and Gamble et al I will be investing the proceeds that would have gone into sanitary ware into Blipfuture.

Long Live Blip .... Pledge now, again, if you possibly can