No more cheese Gromit!

NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am allergic to cheese.
I love cheese, cheese is the best, most wonderful thing in the world.
Why? Why? Why can't I be allergic to air or synthetic fibres?

I've been trying to work out my itchy scratchy allergy.
So I've avoided wheat for a week now, so it's not that.
And after lunch today (cheese salad) my itchy bits came back.
And it's not the bloody salad.

Apart from goat's cheese (and name me a troll who hasn't
got an issue with Billy Goat Gruff cheese)
I want to devour every cheese on the planet.

From the stinkiest, runniest cheese known to man, to
Cheap spready cheese, cheese in tubes, in strings
blue, red, white, orange cheese (I am in Scotland).
Baked cheese, Smoked cheese, toasted cheese,
deep fried cheese (I am in Scotland) melty cheese. OH GOD, NO MORE PIZZA!

I need cheese. Like Morecambe needs Wise, like Jordon needs dumb boyfriends,
like Guy Ritchie needs Sherlock Holmes.

Fuck heroin, I'll be found in a supermarket toilet somewhere
having scratched myself to bits, a piece of Stilton in each of my dead hands
having sucked dry 6 tubes of Primula and surrounded by Cambozola wrappers.