Off Centre

By RachelCarter

A little drop of ambition

I'm trying to find the right words for how I feel. 

Sad is one word. 

What I feel is that I am missing. That parts of me are missing perhaps.

I'm overwhelmed by duty, guilt and responsibility. I'm finding it hard - impossible almost - to separate out my parts and be the me I know. 

I'm not really doing anything creative at the moment. I'm lost. I used to have music and writing in my life regularly. I used to take photos every day. I used to write a blipfoto entry every day. I used to have an identity that included all those things and I feel that identity has blurred. 

I need to get me back because the me me that's creative and who looks after herself backs up the other mes. I didn't realise it until I started to crack. 

As I say, I'm overwhelmed. I can't find the words. It's all feelings. I think it would take me hours to write something that made sense. And I don't have hours. I don't even have minutes.

I thought going out in the rain with my camera and battling the guilt that I should be doing something else would be a start. 

I used to be creative every day. 
I also used to be a lot less sad.

Those 2 things seem to be connected. 

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