Nothing happens here...

By StuartDB

Rain stopped play!

MrsDB has been going on and on again about my topiary.  Because my conifers were taking over the borders and reaching the size where she needed the kitchen light on all day I was asked instructed to trim them back.  It was a few years ago.  That's when I decided to take up topiary, bought myself a chain saw (and nearly removed my right knee) and invested in a 24" electric hedge trimmer which never worked because I kept trimming the cable.  I also bought several pairs of loppers, cutters and shredders.  

The most successful 'trim' was a flat topped conifer that had a very regal gold and dark green leaf.  The stunted tree  may have looked naff but it was all my own work. Visitors liked it, they all said, "Who did that"?  Praise indeed.

 Anyway, it had regrown so much that she was having to limbo under it (you don't want that image in your mind)  to get to her garage and today she said, "Get it out!!!".

Armed with a £4 saw - one of those throw away Sandviks that builders use and then fling in the skip  (actually that's what he did but I liberated it in 1999).  I expected one trunk to cut away but it wasn't that easy.  The big fat bush - for that's the shape it was, was a mass of individual 1" - 2" trunks, each one stopping the saw from sawing through the next.  There has been much swearing and tantrums (I just ignored her) and the job is nearly done.  Fortunately a sudden downpour which I hope will last until it's dark has stopped play.  Phew.

Nevertheless I have for the moment soothed the savage beast and she will be quiet and pacified for hours. 

As Ghengis Khan said, "Know your enema".

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