Last day at work (again!)

I do feel epically guilty having my third year off! I had told them no fuss no presents but they obviously ignored me with gifts for me, Mikey and the boys! Part of me has been dreading finishing work - it has been a place where I actually feel ok and can distract myself, keep busy and managed not too cry too much! I am anxious about the weeks and months to come when I'm on my own up in the night feeding bambino and have too much time to think about things! Then I'm worried about being tired, grumpy and emotional around the boys during the day! I'm sure all will be ok but it's very weird entering an unknown chapter of my life without Dad and Grandad to share it with! They drove me round the bend most of the time but I would do anything to have them back with us:-(