the drugs dont work - but bears help

for music to accompany this winge...

today was a rubbish day - ground down by pain, (my back), feeling guilty at not carrying my weight at work - then a talk with the bosses about the realities of me being here - it just may literally be breaking me and I can't keep living at these pain levels....
anyways I have an appointment with a neurosurgeon on Monday for an MRI or whatever else he needs to do to pin down what is happening so I and work can make some decisions.... I'm hoping it will have a good prognosis but the way this last 18ths have gone in Vietnam am not feeling too positive... in the meantime i have to get through another weekend shift with a sick puppy i've just come back from treating late tonight, and a dog with an horrible old eye injury coming in tomorrow - but monday maybe some answers then a few days in Bangkok with my parents catching up... (and maybe some drugs that will work so I can have a break)

I've fully committed everything - body, heart and soul, my savings, to this job here and it was what I planned to do till I retired, now I'm possibly facing going home with no job, no career and major health issues.... how did things get this bad this quickly?
life is scary sometimes but am trying to be positive and think maybe its one of those curve balls that will show something else around the corner?