mourning my sister...

...who has died suddenly

and totally unexpectedly

death is never easy - no matter how you look at it - whether it's someone who has suffered & lingered through a long illness - or someone who randomly goes very quickly - due to unexpected circumstances - such as is the case with my sis - it's just not easy

i got a panicked & very hysterical phone call from my niece yesterday - hoping it was an error - a very tragic mistake, i waited... - 15 minutes later - my other niece called to confirm my very worst fear, my sister, their mama had died unexpectedly that afternoon - this morning, my niece again called to process & talk about some things with me - but deep inside i was selfishly hoping she was going to say - "my bad, it was all wrong, she's really in the hospital & everything is ok" - but as you can see, it didn't turn out that way

i have lost a best friend - a confidante - a shoulder to lean on - someone i could turn to in good times and bad - a person who did her best not to judge me - to encourage me always - to support me even when others thought i was losing my mind - she was the oldest, i the youngest in the family - we called each other 'bookends' to our brothers - sometimes we would finish each other's sentences - we were so in tune - there are a myriad of things i will forever miss about her - i am struggling to wrap my head around the fact she is truly gone - and recognize that will take time - i am comforted in knowing she is with our abba father - that alone gives me wonderful peace - however i am still sad, mad, heartbroken - somehow thinking i may yet get that turnaround phone call - as unrealistic as it is - it is my grief talking - and because of that - i am really finding it difficult in making this...

a

happy day.....