Watching

I spent Tuesday on the road with a co-worker/friend.  We presented training to several of our staff in two sessions...one in the morning....one in the afternoon.  It was a beautiful day, and I enjoyed being out of my office.  

I grabbed Sugar from swim and headed home for dinner, homework and bedtime.  

It was election day....so I pulled up a webpage to track the progress of the election....and quickly became anxious.  You see....I didn't want either of the main candidates.  I hadn't voted for either of them.  I could not do it.  I knew, however, that one of them would win.  I just couldn't watch.  The Hubby was interested though...and he spent hours watching...and talking to friends on the phone about the progress.  I went to bed.....tried to read....tried to sleep........failed.  Anxiety for our country.  I want to feel PROUD of the leader of our country, and either way.....I just can't.  

The Hubby woke me around 1am to tell me who won........my heart hurt for what that means to me as a woman....as a person who strives to teach my child about love, acceptance......and control of our emotions and actions and words.  My heart hurts to know that we had to make this hard decision because our political reality is such a corrupt, and dishonorable system.  

I wrestled myself to sleep thinking of the right words for my Sugar.....the words I would share with her when the sun comes up.....and it will.  We will move forward with all the more fire in our hearts to show the world what intelligent, kind, accepting, productive women look like.  We will continue to be the change we seek.