The Clachnaharry Express

'The train loitering at Platform 312 is the 27:73 Clachnaharry Express, not stopping at  Merkinch, South Kessock Slipway or Clachnaharry Swing Bridge and Signal Box, but terminating just outside the Clachnaharry Inn. Please mind your seat when leaving your head. A splendid time is guaranteed for all.