And relax...

Sort of. I'm dog-sitting, and any fantasies of a lie-in were shot down in flames by a certain small dog who awoke at 05:56am.... to vomit..... :-0 Thankfully it was the non-urgent kind, and I had the forethought to put him out in the garden.... 

I tried to go back to bed, but I just dozed until 10am, and woke up feeling like I'd never been to sleep.

I had a nice relaxing morning. Tea and tv, followed by a nice bath and make-up. 

I popped to Waitrose for a few bits, and chilled until the evening. Guy-friend was DJing so it was nice to catch up. He's good company and it's nice to just relax and be yourself and not have to be on show. We had a fun evening, even though it started out a bit quiet. By the end, it livened up, and it was entertaining to watch the "lads weekend" group of barely twenty-something boys, on tour from NL ;-) They certainly seemed to be enjoying themselves;-)

When we were done, we walked back to Waterloo, a walk I haven't done in a long time. I was glad I wore my winter coat as it was so cold! We had a nice and very sophisticated (and quiet!) train home, the perk of walking all the way to the very end of the train ;-)

It was a bit of a tiring realisation that I needed to be back at the same station in less than 12 hours...which always begs the question- how could I do this every day if I worked here? Jury's still out on that one.

In other news, I've had a bit of an epiphany. Something that happened this week that I just can't bring myself to write about, has perhaps made me consider where I am and what I want. In other words given me a kick up the backside that I needed. I've decided I need to stop dicking around with online dating/dating in general and really sort my shit out. I felt quite empowered and excited, but then when I stop to think about it, the reality really scares me. 

I know what I want, but I recognise now that I really am the one that's sabotaging it every time I get anywhere close. Take this; I got to chatting with a guy on a dating app. All very low key, seems like a nice guy etc. He suggests meeting up. I suggest meeting in London, but he offers to meet closer to me. And that makes me seriously uncomfortable and I don't know why. I seem to need distance, and yet that's (partly) what killed it for T and I. So we've agreed London, and I think it's so I can say that " oh dear, no, you're not for me. Our lives are too different. You live too far away". 


What is wrong with me? I think the idea that anything could actually work scares the shit out of me! A and I talked about it earlier in the week, my face a river of black eyeliner tears and a clutch of tissues in my hand. She says I'm so terrified of getting hurt, that unconsciously I'm ending up exactly where I don't want to be. And I think she's right. 

How the heck can I cure this? 

The original question, and the reason for rambling so much, is which dating site, if any, might be the most successful. I've had a peruse of a few (I've been on them before), but I've yet to commit financially. 

Any suggestions gratefully received :-) 

I should end this entry on reminding you that this was a good night, lots of laughter and good for the soul. And for that I am always grateful :-)