Everyday Ghosts

Just recently, I've become interested in books and programmes about ghosts. Not because I believe in them at all - indeed, I'm surer than ever that if you collar the 'spook' haunting your local hospital and remove his mask, you'll be able to say "why, Mr Lansley! It was you all along!" to which he'll respond "Yes! And I'd have gotten away with stealing your NHS too, if it wasn't for you meddling kids."

But the mad extent to which folk will go to get a bit of extra trade for their business or town is exceeded only by the gullibility of the tourists and assorted cretins who routinely fall for it. Take the spectral "photographs" which routinely crop up in these books and telly events; it's usually a dark shadow appearing in a bright exposure, which is always considered to be the spirit of the murderer/prostitute/lovelorn soldier/slaughtered virgin who apparently stayed in that place in 1721-ish.

So, I give you the murderer/prostitute/lovelorn soldier/slaughtered virgin of my house, come back to take terrible vengeance on you all. Only your money will quench his/her thirst for blood. Cheques, postal orders, credit and debit transfers all welcome. And whatever the "experts" may tell you, this is definitely not a long exposure shot of me hand-jiving in front of a camera on self-timer. Have some respect for the undead.