My serotonin receptors have seized. My dopamine pond has drained away. I'm back at the start again. Another failed relationship attempt. Another year in a soul destroying job. Another year of my mind playing tricks on me. I'm back at the start, again.

But you know what? Even though I've been here before, a lot of times, I don't mind this time. It feels different. I'm slowly learning, I have a lot of things to learn, but I don't think anything of true value comes easily. I've learned that at least, I am learning it. It's taken me a long time to realise, but now I want to be healthy, I want to be happy. If I can't be either of those things, maybe trying to achieve it will be enough. I've never really tried, I've never had the energy or the motivation to try. But now I do.

I don't want to be left behind. I don't want to feel like I don't want to live another day anymore. It's not a nice thing to feel when you wake up every day, when you go to bed every night. I like feeling hopeful. I hope it lasts.

I've been reading The Trick Is To Keep Breathing, and listening to Charlie Clark. I've also been thinking: why in fuck's name are there so many pictures of spiders on Blipfoto now? I know only two facts about spiders. Fact one: their bodies (are they called exo-skeletons? I'm too scared to Google it in case pictures appear) are made of congealed hate and fear. Fact two: they have too many eyes and legs.

Also, I want again to thank all the people who leave lovely, uplifting comments. Definitely the best thing about Blipfoto.

These are some people whose journals I like. You probably will too.

onthewire

123

afishinapot

dearheart

PlumBum

lr