Beginning of the End? End of the Beginning?

First of all I write this because I don’t want your sympathy, I don’t need it and it won’t help me get through the challenge ahead.

I had a surprise phone call yesterday from a Renal Nurse, who wanted to visit me and discuss treatment options.  The consultant had arranged it but hadn’t told me.

So today my options became clearer, the ultimate destination if things carried on the way they are will be dialysis.  However, they suggest I have a pre-emptive transplant which will avoid it and give me a better quality of life.

To have one chronic disease, Crohns, ain’t great, to now be diagnosed with a second, kidney disease, is a killer.

Today was a day to raise awareness of Mental Health, but having my options explained to me today gave me physical health options, it didn’t help me deal with the mental side of things.  So I’m struggling to process the news, life has changed, my dreams, my targets seem unreachable now.  I’m stuck in limbo, waiting for a transplant never knowing when it might happen, or facing a life of dialysis for the rest of my life.

I’d just like to curl up.