One Year Ago Today ...

Mr. Badger and I attended a puppy party. There was a whole herd of Cardigan Welsh Corgis. This is not an exagerration, there were at least 2 dozen Cardigan adults and 14 Cardigan puppies. Plus 2 adult Great Danes, 2 Great Dane puppies, and a smattering of a few other random dogs. In other words, heaven :) I had dreamed of owning a Cardigan for I don't know how long, and the day had finally come! We played with all the dogs, passed puppies around during their evaluations, and met all kinds of lovely dog people. It is a day I will never forget. After the party ended, we got to take home the little puppy Hedwig (we had yet to choose a name for her and Hedwig was the name the breeder had given her at birth). She was the puppy I had fallen in love with from the moment I first saw pictures of her when she was less than a day old, but I had tried to keep myself from getting attached, since the ultimate decision was up to her breeder. There were 14 puppies total between two litters. Corra's Mom (Clue) was supposed to be spayed, she didn't take on her last breeding and her breeder decided it was time to retire her after having only had one (beautiful!) litter. Clue's daughter, Juno, was bred to a lovely black + white male, Shade. Shade was temporarily living with Corra's breeder at the time, and before anyone noticed, Clue had slipped outside and decided she also wanted another litter! (which Shade was actually a very close relative to the male they had tried breeding Clue to last). So, two litters were on the way. Clue was the dog I had wanted a puppy from and I never dreamed I would get one of her puppies! Mr. Badger and I had been discussing getting a second dog, since while we love Loki more than I can ever put into words, his behavioral issues prevent him from doing a lot of the things I had wanted to do with a dog. So after much discussion with Mr. Badger and getting Loki's trainer's opinion, we both decided to start looking for our second dog. The very next day is when Corra's breeder announced Clue + Juno's pregnancies :) And you know how the story went from there! (See Corra and some siblings here.)

What happened afterwards is a whole 'nother story, and quite frankly, changed my life. Feel free to skip this part, as I will probably get overly mushy and long winded (as if I didn't already ...).

Anyone who has taken on the responsibility of a teeny, tiny puppy knows the whirlwind of emotions and complete and utter change/chaos it causes in your life. No matter how much you try and prepare yourself, this happens (maybe puppy owner veterans get much better at it ...). I didn't sleep more than an hour a night for a couple of weeks, if at all. And it wasn't much more than that for the next couple of weeks after that. Turns out, I am allergic to Corra. I was not prepared for this at all ... despite having visited with her before taking her home a couple of times, I had believed my snuffles were due to the cats and the bedding they were on (both things I knew I was allergic to). I went in for testing to see if it was true. Tests came back positive for an allergy to dogs (and cats, which I knew, and everything else under the sun - pollens of all kinds, molds, dust, hooray ...) My allergist told me to get rid of my dogs. Not just Corra, but my dogs. Even just thinking back to that moment I am tearing up. It was a nightmare come true, though I some how kept it together until I made it home. Anyone who knows me, knows my utter love for all things having to do with dogs. I decided, after crying on Mr. Badger's shoulder for I don't know how long, that I would do whatever I had to in order to keep my dogs. So I started a regimen of allergy meds and doing my best to remove allergens from my living space and eventually bought a HEPA filter (which has done wonders!).

On top of all this, I have had anxiety and depression issues throughout my life. I never really addressed them, since to me, they were a part of me. I also had the perception that everyone else had panic attacks or were afraid of making phone calls or going to the grocery store, they were just stronger than me and pushed through it. Corra coming into my life brought my anxiety to all time highs. I was an absolute mess, and my coping mechanisms I had cultivated since I was young were falling apart around me. Mr. Badger had long been trying to encourage me to seek out help, but it was just too hard for me to do. Now I faced potentially having to give up my puppy because of my issues - anxiety and allergies. Corra was the catalyst that finally got me to go and seek help. Without her, I don't know that I would have even now ... My life is so much better, I can't understand the "old" me any more and what took her so long to just get her life on the right track. Don't get me wrong, I am not perfect by any means (nor will I ever be!), but I am happy. And that is all anyone ever really needs :) Plus I can breath again.

Please, if you are someone who has a mental illness, do not feel ashamed about it! Get help and be happy finally! You deserve it, your loved ones deserve it, and your life will be so much better :) I always feared that it would change me, and it did, but it changed me by exposing more of the real me. If you notice my blip postings before I got Corra, they were few and far between, despite really, really wanting to do it daily. Almost exactly a month after I started my anti-anxiety meds (about how long it takes to take affect), I started posting daily, and haven't stopped yet. <3

My words are utterly inadequate at explaining just what Corra means to me. She helped save me, I really believe that. This goofy, short-legged dynamo changed me in ways I don't even know yet. Hug your loved ones and tell them what they mean to you, because they are the reason that life is beautiful!

As for Corra, she is my super hero :D