The Green Gym - meltdown

This is what the big flower bed looks like after 3 or 4 hours of ruthless ripping up and barrowing away. 
Of course it looks like a confused mess to the untrained eye, even though it's a pretty mess. 
But there are significantly fewer lupins and almost no comfrey where it ought not to be (everywhere). 
The pink ones will all be gone soon, the white ones are for keeping.

The young lupins give up very lightly and I get the plant and the root, the old ones are too firm to be dug out so I'm just pulling all the leaves off. 
It feels really nasty of me, but they take over and all the other little flowers die in their massive shade.

A lot of nettles have been pulled out and hopefully weakened. They are in amongst the lilies that are so pretty if you can see them for the forest of lupins/comfrey/nettles. Now you can!

The ground is tinder dry everywhere I look, so tonight I watered the flowers.
All the flowers are shorter by far than they usually are.
I feel really sorry for them, struggling without a drop of rain.
It's been hot again today, and the rest of the week will be the same.
No rain forecast for the next 10 days.

We see our bank man tomorrow and went through the various figures today.
Monday is admin day after all.
I needed to log into the internet bank and nothing worked, I got stuck in a technical loop and the frustration grew.
Round and round we go.

I rang the bank's customer service and pressed one and three and then one again in an endless tirade of questions. 
Then there was a real live person on the end of the phone, and I answered a bunch of questions to make sure I was really me as I had no idea what my "4 figure code, not the code you use for your bank card" might be.
Not even a faint idea of where to find it either.
Anyhow, it worked eventually and I could see the details I needed.

Put the phone down.
And threw a total wobbly, tears, screams the whole works.
Oh dear.
It happens infrequently, but today was the day when the numbers, the technology, the lack of organisation on my part, the importance of it all overwhelmed me.

Some time ago, I had a conversation with my beloved sister-in-law about feeling shame, and claimed to hardly ever feel shame....
Today was the day to feel ashamed of myself for melting down like that.
Shame helps of course.

Well no, it really just makes everything worse.
So, it took time to regain balance and the green gym was an important part of that.
Driving the nasty chemicals out of my blood stream and replacing them with feel good ones.

I accept that I have an actual, real number handicap, it isn't just a feeble-minded thing due to lack of focus.
I have strategies but it's still a huge obstacle at times. 
When it goes really pear-shaped I feel so stupid I could spit.
I didn't though.
Which is one up to me then!
I'm ok now, the papers are in order for tomorrow, the meeting with the solicitor is booked for later this week and I really am a capable adult.
I love my garden!

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