Remembrance

So I got a new tattoo. I wanted to, it is time. It was something I needed to do on my own, by myself. I cried half of it. I have four tattoos now and each one of them reminds me of something ( sadly, with the nature of life) I probably will be adding to this list in the future (even as my throat constricts at the thought). Obviously the first three are my family and the last might as well have been.  I wanted to get this done, so that no matter were I am, no matter what I do, I remember the people who loved me and made a difference in my life.  Anyways a poem for you all. 

Remembrance
I remember your smiles the most. 
(the way it would warm my heart) 

The pots hung in the kitchen from the hooks
 ( I remember wondering if they would make noise, If I was tall enough to reach them) 
I would enter the room and your sharp blues eyes would seek me out
 ( sometimes playful, sometimes strict, depended on what I had done)
 and it always smelled like good food. 
( Well except the basement, that place was terrifying) 
 I would watch your hands
(and the passion they held for good food. You taught me to love the process)  
as you would make that sandwich 
( I still can't replicate it no matter how many times I watched you make it and do exactly as you did.) 
I remember sitting in the living room with you and we watched Red Dwarf ( I had only seen you laugh that hard a few times.) That day is imprinted in my mind as well as the blue of your eyes and the laughter.  I miss you everyday( and the smell of your cologne Grandpa. I love you.)  

Your motto was shop till you drop
( And oh you lived it.) 
You loved good food, 
(Something you passed on as well as the chocolate brown eyes so uncommon in the family)  
You loved people with gifts and with smiles. 
Your brown eyes would dance (As mine do now, when I am really happy)  when you laughed and when you teased me.
 You would send those hideous dresses every Easter and Christmas
(and you got annoyed every time  there was dirt on my knees in almost every photo.)
 Someday, someday, you said I would be a lady (and yet those brown eyes never judged me when I wasn't the lady you wanted me to be.) I love you Grandma.

I remember your smile, (how your eyes would crinkle at the edges) 
How you would take me into the den, with childlike glee, and taught me how to work the trains you had laid out. 
(Really, you taught me how to have a childlike heart, when the world isn't always easy) 
I remember your fierce protection of me 
(The day I got lost in Costco) 
We were oil in a hot pan (but oh how I loved you.) 
You passed on that protective heart 
(The oil in the hot pan, the argumentative spirit, you taught me how to stick up for myself.) 
My heart aches
 (it was the first time death had happened and it taught me to hate it.)
 For all the unspoken things know that I loved you and I miss you everyday. I love you Grandpa. 

You were complicated ( you're one of my best friends in a short time.) 
You made me laugh so hard (Blush and laugh too, oh the Black lipstick) 
Your heart captured mine (held and holds it tight) 
For the last words I never wanted to say 
(the last time I would your heart on paper or the sparkle of those green eyes) 
You never ever judged me 
(You always understood my dark and twisty with a shot of tequila, though you always said it was Bourbon) 
You would intentionally make me blush and laugh.
(and I miss it, I miss you everyday.)
I find myself going to tell you something ( and I realize you're gone) Sometimes I go back and read your letters. (I hope for that hug you promised on the other side.)

 For the last words, 
(some that we never get to say) 
for the tears that stream down our face 
( I could have hugged you more carefully, laughed more, been present more, made more time) 
This is done to remember the lessons (The laughter, the joy) 
So that they are applied.