My Super Dry perscription shades were "lost" since last Thursday*.
Everywhere I looked: car, no joy. I'm an idiot.
Everywhere I looked: work, no joy. I'm an idiot.
Everywhere I looked: garage, no joy. I'm an idiot.
Everywhere I looked: pockets, no joy. I'm an idiot.
Everywhere I looked: (my) bags, no joy. I'm an idiot.
Everywhere I looked: bedside cabinet, no joy. I'm an idiot.
Everywhere I looked: cupboards, no joy. I'm an idiot.
Everywhere I looked: car (again), no joy. I'm an idiot.
Everywhere I looked: rang the gym, no joy. I'm an idiot.
Everywhere I looked: town centre, no joy. I'm an idiot.....
....town centre I hear you say? *Well, since I took a selfie last Thursday (shame, I know, but not too dissimilar to the one I took today) at least I had photographic evidence I had them on that very day, 4.30pm approx. It rained on Friday, so I did not wear them then. However, I did pop into town on Saturday morning, convinced I wore them then, I re-visited the shops, bank & precinct on Monday. Asked around, even the security guard. You guessed it, no joy. I am an idiot my wife says. A hundred odd quid down the drain, you're an idiot.
Understandably p!ssed off with myself, I finally went to the police station to report the loss today. The female officer was about the same age as me and was very helpful and understanding as she wrote down the details, particularly when I mentioned the photo situation last Thursday...
She says "Mmmm, a selfie was it? Those glasses must've been rather stylish". You can picture the cringy-ness here can't you? On explaining the colour scheme on the Super Dry frames: dark blue on the outside and lime green on the inside. "Mmmm, very stylish!", she nodded with full approval. The officer said that no such glasses have been handed in, but will contact me ASAP if they did, in true British copper style. As I left the station, thanking her, she asked, with a cheeky grin, if I still had the photo on my phone!!
So after explaining everything to Mrs Tuttle this evening and saying I have literally looked EVERYWHERE for them, she insisted the three of us have a "proper look" (like the proper looks our Mums used to say). They went around the house as I went back into the car for the umpteeth time, then the boot, then the garage.........
......then some time later Mrs Tuttle suggested we all had a cup of tea. Which I made. And hey presto there they were, in the case, in the feckin' fridge!!! Mrs Tuttle and Tuttle Jnr p!ssed themselves laughing.
Obviously set up by the lady herself just to wind me up like a toy mouse, the glasses were in her bag the whole time in the "Harry Potter cupboard" under the stairs since Saturday. She decided to use her "second" bag between Sunday till now. Which explains why none of us have seen them for days. It all clicked as I now recall giving the glasses, in their case, to her to put in her bag on Saturday morning as my pockets were not big enough.
Naturally, as most wives will say, I am completely to blame.
And naturally, I am a complete idiot.
At least I now have my "rather stylish" Super Dry shades.