i'm too old for technology

trying to make my christmas card.  i have so little time in the week to do my own thing without interruptions so thought i would get it sorted in a few hours....until i failed to get my hardly used printer to work.....

i'm not quite in tears yet, but nearly!
why can't they make a printer that will just print.  not from the cloud (i don't do the cloud), not from an SD card....why don't they have an option to print from desktop to printer?  and as for the paper feed.......

i have wasted all my private creative time messing about asking questions on the interweb, to no avail.  i know exactly what i want to do but printing is the first step.  

bloody Canon TS8000.  it's only printed about 30 things in the year i've had it - and i find myself looking for a new machine - because this one is useless.

(photo taken before 8.00 a.m.)