Emergency joinery

I cart a mattress up to Kinghorn, where I find Claire assembling a John Lewis bed. It’s not going well. The springed slats won’t fit - too long for one side, too short for the other. They’ve placed the centre fixing ... off-centre. By 5cm!

The bodger In me deploys plywood and gorilla glue for temporary relief while Claire vents exasperation on the phone. The bed was already seven weeks late. Bad, bad John Lewis.