Great excitement up North!

There are persistent rumours that there is to be a summit meeting between The Donald and The Scottish First Minister. For security reasons they are to meet in the harbour Fish and Chip shop at Peterhead harbour.

Security is extremely high, the cannons have been primed and the Secret Service gulls are on high alert.

Extra. Meanwhile, the Chippie, mindful that The Donald doesn't like "not nice" people, has decreed that only nice people will be allowed in.

The cannons were captured from the Russians during an historical spot of bother. Don't tell anyone, but they are plastic replicas; we melted down the real things for scrap in WW2!