Make it stop

I was, quite definitely, wrong about yesterday being one of the darkest in a while.
Today was so much worse.

The majority of today was quite regular. I even saw Life of Pi in the cinema which was so incredibly beautiful.

But this evening I was told, quite callously, by my now ex-boyfriend that on the night we were meant to spend together (New Year's Eve - he promised me for months) he went away with friends, promised me he wouldn't do something which I absolutely begged him not to do, proceeded to do said thing and then lie to me about it.
He seemed to take pleasure in telling me that he did in fact betray me and had a fantastic time doing it and that it was entirely my fault I was absent - despite the poor planning, late notice, my complete lack of funding and the fact that I am in my third year of university and have essays to write.

Finding out that I had been lied to and he had so completely ignored what I needed him to do was one of the most painful things I have experienced in my short life. Betrayal is hurtful. I doubt I will ever find the strength to believe anything he says to me.

I spent the night clinging to each parent in turn and ended up sleeping next to my mother, cuddling my childhood Bear because I knew if I was alone I would spend the night crying.

I don't even know if I slept last night. I have woken up today tired, hurt, angry and very confused. Every time I recall him telling me, quite proudly, what he had done my blood turns cold and it hurts all over again.
It isn't up to me to tell everyone what he did because I doubt he would want anyone to know - yet I'm sure he's incredibly proud of himself.

Ironically, I spent my day buying him birthday gifts and thinking about how much I was missing him.