A angry octopus !

I became a stay at home mum this year. My maternity was going to finish in march and we worked out that, for me to go back to work even 20 hour's a week it would cost more than my wage on childcare for the 2 younger wildlings. And the middle child would only have needed wrap around care. And we decided it would be the best thing having me at home for my eldest wildling and his needs. Especially since he was starting school, and at the moment that has many challenges for him.
Many children with autism mask their anxiety and their behaviours when in nursery or school and they seem like they're very calm. When in reality every little thing is bubbling over inside. This is my wildling. And then when he gets back home to his safe space and to myself he just explodes and it all comes out. This afternoon has been such a challenge for us all. I normally can keep my cool, but today I lost it a couple of times. And by the end of their dinner I had to leave the house. I couldn't stay in any longer ( although we had already been outside at the park).
I decided to get them to cycle to their dad's work. I needed fresh air for my sanity.
I managed to have a good conversation with X and he told me his brain felt like a angry octopus today and it wasn't good for him or his heart.
I think we are all emotionally drained. But again tomorrow is a new day and I know already that it's going to be challenging. As he is staying in school for half hour extra at lunchtime. He doesn't want people to see him eat, and it's too busy for him. He tried this today. Hence the challenging day . !